Hope

this was our last day together

Today is july 8th ,2011 he's been gone four days and i know this is just the beginning ,yesterday around 4pm i got a call from his mom saying they were taking him out on bail ,his bail went down to 70,000 (7,000) i had stopped writing him because i thought well if he's out tomorrow ill just read it to him ,i stopped writing him for that same reason and instead cleaned my room,did laundry,pretty much was just getting some last minute stuff so tomorrow morning i can be with him.no time waisted.I slept more relaxed knowing he'd be out i woke up at 8am but still no call i was just waiting for him to call me "babe i'm here on iris"pick me up anything like that..but that wasn't the case it soon turned to be 10 and i ended up calling his house to see what happened,his mom told me they were still thinking bout it.My day hasn't even been an hour long and already i just want to end it and say goodnight. ando toda desilusionada and i'm dying to know how marco is doing ,it kills me that i don't know anything i don't know if he's getting along with people ,if he's safe,if he's ate and if he's full everyday ,i don't know his living condition nothing all i have been doing is writing hoping that i get an insight somehow .yesterdays arraignment was bad but i cant complain wish they could've done more i wanted to just trade places with him .Being in this  situation makes me realize what kind of man i have had this whole time ,him in there?its no place for him he doesn't deserve that ,i have been pushed aside from everyone in his family and with him... he still with me.It really means a lot to me that he has taken my word and not believed what people have said.My days are not the same with out him ,its a trip when he'd be up in la i wouldn't feel like this maybe cause i knew he was comfortable in school and at his brothers and how they treated him and what he could be doing but since i don't know anything ,curiosity is tearing me up getting the best of me ,i need to hear his voice so i know he's okay i don't know why he hasn't tried calling again.For everyone that has been on and off in a relationship ,and you fight and fight and argue appreciate the good times don't look back at the past you spend too much time being mad each other it really isn't worth it,it could be  regret it could be jealousy it could be anger but i'm telling you nothing can be worse then being at the end of this rope ,nothing.Appreciate each other ,love one another and treat them better then what you can give,never give only what you want.I miss my boyfriend to the point where i don't know how to even get him off my mind,i don't know how to even start my day.I am in this worse situation possible and i know i need to look to god for patience and faith to know that he is on our side and he will take care of us.